Bear with me here, Kids. There’s a point to this . . .

Nürnberger Lebkuchen

• 4 Eggs
• 2 Cups Sugar
• 2 Cups of Sifted Flour
• 1/2 Tsp of Cinnamon
• 1/4 Tsp of Ground Cloves
• 1/4 Tsp of Powdered Cardamom
• 1 1/2 Cups of Blanched Almonds* (Ground Fine in a food processor)
• 1/2 Cup of Lemon Peel
• 1 Tsp of Grated Lemon Rind
• Powdered Sugar (Optional)
• Candied Cherries (Red & Green – Also Optional)

Beat the eggs and gradually add sugar until thickened.

Blend in remaining ingredients.

Place the batter in the refrigerator for at least an hour (and for as long as overnight) to stiffen.

When ready, heat oven to 325 degrees.

Place parchment paper on a large cookie sheet.

Roll about a tablespoon of the batter into balls about the size of a golf ball or slightly smaller and place them on the cookie sheet about 2″ apart.

Bake at 325 for 30 minutes or until the edges just start to brown.

**OPTIONAL**

While they are still warm, sprinkle powdered sugar over them and then place a piece of green and red candied cherry on top of each for the Christmas touch.

* I just use almond flour you can pick up in any grocery store, it’s the same thing.

The links provided in the ingredients are Amazon links for stuff that is difficult to find in the store. Not impossible, just difficult so please don’t send me the 38 places you found them.

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FYI, those fuckin’ cookies are delicious and the picture at the top of the post are of the batch I made today for the express purpose of taking a picture for this blog post.

And also because they’re fuckin’ delicious.

And Christmas and whatnot.

But also so I could rant.

Begin rant . . . .

Will you people (and by people, I mean the assholes that have these recipe websites and recipe posters on Facebook and where the hell ever) please just POST THE GODDAMN RECIPE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Let me tell you what I mean.

I see a recipe pop up on, let’s say, Facebook. There is a picture there of something that looks pretty good and it gets my attention. That’s good. That is good advertising. That is what you want it to do, get my attention, but here is what has been happening and the lessons I have learned as a result.

First, if the post starts with “I gave this to my husband and now he hides it from the kids . . . ” I’m not even clicking your fucking link. I bought that bullshit maybe twice, but by the twelfth recipe your “husband hides from the kids”, the smell of your bullshit is the only sense being tickled at that point. Your kids hate you, your husband thinks you’re a pain in the ass and there isn’t a retail store within 100 miles of you that doesn’t wave the “KAREN” flag the instant you walk in the door. You also probably do one or all of the next few annoying things

Post a picture of something that looks delicious, then when you click on it for the recipe, the recipe ends up being for something else altogether. If you post a picture of a delicious looking meatball lasagna and I click on it only to find a recipe for a baked eggplant and rutabaga loaf in a horseshit reduction sauce, then I’m coming through the internet to choke you. With your rutabaga horseshit loaf. Seriously, what is the deal with that? Are you trying to piss people off?!

Lastly, and I think most importantly, if you do intend to give me the recipe I’m looking for, Give. Me. The. Damn. Recipe!

AT THE BEGINNING!!

Sorry, don’t mean to yell. That one just chaps my ass. You see what I did up there? Let me point it out in case you missed it.

RECIPE!

BAM!! Right there, in yer face! Hell, you didn’t even ask for it, but you got it. First, a picture, followed immediately by the ingredients (for the thing that is in the picture, I might add) and then the directions. 30 seconds in and you had all the information you needed to recreate the picture shown. When I look for a recipe, that is what I want, and let’s be honest, that’s what most of you want too.

I didn’t start with “What is a cookie?” or “Why blanch almonds” or “The history of Germany”.

I did not then follow that with individual pictures of sugar and flour and eggs . . . without the required amounts of each, by the way.

I didn’t follow that with a detailed description of my holiday family gathering, who is in attendance and what other items I serve along with it on the family table.

I didn’t list all the stores that you should by all the ingredients from and what brands you should use.

I did not then thank you for three paragraphs for viewing my recipe (which I haven’t gotten to yet).

Only to finally get to the actual recipe where it is then disrupted by 7 pop ups to subscribe to the annoying as fuck recipe site and a redirect to another site selling a Dyson vacuum cleaner.

I just gave you what you came here for (or didn’t in this case, but I’m trying to make a point), with all the necessary info and only the necessary info.

If you want to put all of that extraneous bullshit on your recipe webpage, have at it, just do it after the recipe. That gives me, you and everybody else the opportunity to opt out of your windbaggery. Maybe all you wanted out of this post was that cookie recipe (even though you might not have known it going in) and that’s what you got. The fact that you’re still reading my windbaggery is a result of your wanting to be a part of my windbaggery or you felt an obligation because you’re a friend of mine or you thought it was funny enough to keep going. (If it was that last one, then my goal was achieved.)

And now, the part you’ve all been waiting for . . . . . end rant.

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So let’s do some fun shit now. I took some pictures today while I made those cookies so you could kind of see the “Eric process” of cooking. I thought it would be appropriate since I made them specifically for this post.

And also because I’mma eat the hell out of those cookies.

So here goes. Enjoy the gallery. It’s a clicky thing, just use the arrows.

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IN OTHER NEWS

For those of you that have followed me since waaaaaaaay back in the old Opticynicism days, I have some good news for you. I think I mentioned a few posts back that I was fairly certain I had lost all those old posts and didn’t think there was any way to get them back. Well, I was wrong!! I found them all! Every last one of them from the first to the last. Yep, even the ones about my dad that ya’ll used to ask for more of. I’ve got them all.

The only downside is that none of them have any of the pictures that went with them, however, on one of these old external hard drives I’ve got lying around here, I’m pretty sure the pics are there and the full posts can be recreated. I will either post one of the old ones here from time to time or put them all together as a subdomain under this one . . . speaking of which, you may have noticed that the color scheme of the site is a little less – well – brown. The site is now on its own URL www.sanityandsarcasm.com and I have more control over the the appearance and features of the site. This is the result of a dear friend (that has asked to remain anonymous) that made a “technical” donation to Sanity and Sarcasm to make this possible. Allow me to use this space to express my overwhelming gratitude for them recognizing my need for written “therapy” and giving me the space in which to practice it. Just as important as all my friends, old and new, so are my friends that struggle with mental health issues as I do.

Individually we are broken. Together we are whole.

If you haven’t already, follow me on:

Facebook: Sanity and Sarcasm
Twitter (aka “X”, aka “Elon Musk’s Shitshow”): @sanitynsarcasm
Instagram: *coming soon*

With that, my friends, good night and until next time.

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